From where you're kneeling it must seem like an 18-carrot run of bad luck. Truth is...the race was rigged from the start.

"equestrian ambassador's journal; day two of our diplomatic mission into the mountains. though our meeting and negotiations with the bicorn representative were fruitful, it would be strongly advisable to hold future talks somewhere that serves food. Like a VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT."

"track record" is also a horse pun